Death and his Girlfriend, NEW THREAD!!!

Characters

Death - The guy we're all afraid of because we don't wanna die...also know as the sexiest guy in the afterlife. He looks like hes seventeen, but he's as old as life itself...well, not his mother, Life, but you know what I mean...lol

He owns 'Death Incorporated' and he has to hire half of the afterlife so he could make sure that every single person who dies gets their soul divided from their body and brought to the afterlife...its too much for one guy, people die every second, and so do animals, and plants, and micro organisms...and they all have souls...and they all have to have their souls divided form their body delicately, and Death can't do it alone, so he hires people to do it so he can have the time to be with his friends.

Life - Deathy's mom.

Imortality - Deathy's little sister.

Death the first - Deathy's dad! He really is as old as Life, his wife, but he disappeared and left the family buisness to his son, Death the second, Zia's boyfriend...

Duncan - An insane black and white cat who drives Deathy's limo...

Zia - Deathy's Girlfriend,,,ME x3

Mirta - A friend of Zia and Death, Nick's pigeon girlfriend...

Jasna - Mary's girlfriend, a friend of Mirta, Death and Zia.

Nikola Tesla - The smartest man who ever lived...and who fell in love with a pigeon.


Jesus Christ - The son of the lord who died for our sins...and drinks coca-cola from a baby bottle when he watches scary movies and prays to his dad, god, to save him from the fictional beasts and ghosts from the horror film...

God - The creator of the word, president of the afterlife, father of Jesus Christ, ex-husband of Mary...and smokes pot...

Satan - The little pervert who lives in hell and who eats fire for breakfast...sometimes he east scrambled souls the way living people eat scrambled eggs, but he only eats reeeeaaaaaly evil souls...Like Hitler's soul...

The "virgin" Mary - The mother of Jesus Christ, which proves she;s not a virgin, how do you think she got pregnant?

Boris - A long furred, yellow tabby cat. who is part persian cat who owns a restaurant in heaven.

...

More to come...BE PREPARED! Things are gonna get crazy!

<=== Mirtek's Human foirm byyy...Mirtek herself, or Invisable Ink, as she's known around here! x3 Great work, by the way...

Part 2

Zia went home to her apartment on the two-thousand and twelfth floor. Her apartment was very colorful. The walls had various paintings that she and Death had done while they were high on oxygen. It had one wall that was just a glass window with a view that saw the whole afterlife realm. It was really a beautiful view.
She smiled at a note she found on the table. “Dear, Zia, Death is coming…both figuratively and literally.” The note said on light pink paper.

Pink – Death’s favorite color. Ironic, is it not? Black is the color of death, pink is the color of little girls….but pink is Death’s favorite color…ha, beat that by weirdness.

Zia rolled her eyes with a smile and put the note I her drawer with all the other romantic-yet-perverted notes that Death gave her. She turned on her lap top, sat on the bed and began editing Deathy’s campaign video. It was similar to Satan’s, only, as Death would say, better.

“God, he's been the president for millenniums, but it's time for change...true, you could vote for Satan, but we have several reasons why voting for Death would be ten times better.” The voice on the video said. “And...we're fucked...” Zia said.

She suddenly felt an eerie chill crawl up her spine. She glanced at the table, and saw another note. “Didn't I put Deathy's note in the drawer?” Zia mumbled. She paused the video and walked over to the table. This note was different. It was white with letters written in black marker. “Things are about to change.” It said. “What is that supposed to mean?” Zia asked.

This note didn't seem like something Death would write. Zia didn't think much about it, but she still tucked the note in her pocket and planned to ask Death about it later. She continued editing his campaign video.
Later that night, Deathy picked her up in a limo, where he got the money for that, well, in the afterlife, everyone has so much money that they could literally buy the universe with it, not to mention that most of the things there were free.

“Hi, Death, are you here to take my soul to the after-life?” Zia smiled as she got in the limo. “We're already in the after-life...” Death smirked and kissed her. “By the way, Deathy...” Zia began as the chauffeur began to drive. “What does this note mean?” She asked as she took the note out of her pocket and showed it do Death. “I- I don't know, it's not my note...” Death said. “What? If it's not your note, then whose note is it?” Zia asked. “I don't know...maybe Satan is trying to scare you into voting for him...it wouldn't surprise me.” Death said.”I don't know...it just feels...different...different from anything in the after life...” Zia said. “Huh, well, we can ask Boris what he thinks about it, and we can always as Satan or God if either of them sent it to scared you...” Death said.

“In other news...” Death began. “Our one-thousand and five hundredth anniversary is next week, and I know as sure as Jesus' last name is Christ that you forgot about it...” Death said. “Well, yeah, I tend to forget about crap that doesn't sound interesting enough to qualify a place in my mind.” Zia said. “Sorry...” She said. “Hey, it's okay, that's why I'm there to remind you...” Death smiled. Zia smiled back and kissed him.
“So, I was talking to Cupid the other day, and he said any normal girl would murder me before staying in a relationship for one thousand and five hundred years unless I popped the question...” Death said. “Ah, true, that sounds romantic, but I'm not normal and you're not romantic, so...yeah...” Zia said. “True, about the campaign...” Death said. “Yes...?” Zia asked.

“You're not gonna like this...” Death said. “God damn it, just say it...” Zia said. “I need you to seduce Satan into leaving the campaign!” Death said. “Well, that proves you're insane...” Zia said. “Then again, I'm not much saner than you, so...yeah...” Zia said. “You'll do it?!” Death asked. “Hey, I'd do anything for you, it's cheesy, but true...though, do you really think I could seduce Satan?” Zia asked. “Anyone can seduce Satan, he lives by the first of the seven deadly sins – lust...not to mention the fact that you could seduce anyone...” Death said. “True...” Zia smirked. “I bet you could even seduce Nick...” Death said. “Nick? Oh, come on, that's overdoing it...nobody, dead or alive, can ever seduce Nick...except for that pigeon girl...” Zia said. “True, that was overdoing it...” Death said.

“Speaking of Nick and his pigeon girlfriend...I think today is their anniversary...I think...” Death said. “Really? Cool...” Zia said. “And I think they'll be at Boris' restaurant today to...” Death said. “Nice, hey, do you remember the day you killed Nick's girlfriend? I remember you mentioned it was special...” Zia said. “Oh, yeah, it was...you see, Nick was there, and...well...it's actually embarrassing...but...he saw me too...hey, didn't I tell you this before?” Death asked. “Yep, tell me again,it's the only time since the creation of life where you screwed up...and I have to know what to hide from the media during the campaign...” Zia said. “But...you already know it...” Death said. “Yeah...but I like this story!” Zia said.

“Alright! Alright! Anyway...as I said, Nick was there, and he saw me...well...he didn't actually see me...but he saw the pigeon's should being divided from it's body. Anyway, the reason he saw that was because I got drunk the day before...you remember, right? You know, the time Cupid, Satan, Jesus, You and I got together to celebrate God's birthday?” Death said. “I remember, Mary couldn't come because she had to help her friend from hell move to heaven...” Zia said. “Yeah...and I was talking about how Hiroshima and Nagasaki was a pain in the ass...because it was, really...I mean...they killed thousands of people in one second, literally....one fucking second....” Death said. “And it was Saturday...of all days, my day off....why, god...why did you create something that kills on holidays...do you ave any idea how delicate you have to be when dividing souls from their bodies? More delicate that brain surgery, god, damn it!” Death said. “I know, I remember you mentioned that you didn't have enough employees back at 'Death Incorporated' when you woke up at 4 am...and you couldn't find your pants...” Zia giggled. “Oh, I forgot that detail...he he...” Death said.

“Well, anyway, you said there was another reason why taking Nick's girlfriends should was special because that's not the only time you were seen...or, the soul was seen...though you never said why?” Zia said. “Oh, that's because I have no idea why...it just feels...different...meh, who cares...” Death said. “Well, we should start burning evidence of me or my employees being seen dividing souls before God or Satan screw me up...” Death said “Well, yeah, but...technically speaking, only God could screw you up...you know, since I'm gonna seduce Satan and all...” Zia said.

“Right...” Death winced. “Hey, Dun, when the heck are we gonna get to Boris' place already?” He asked.
“Never! We'll be in here to infinity! Or at least for two more minutes!” Duncan, the chauffeur said. He was a black and white cat, and if he was alive, he would not be physically capable to drive, but this was the after life, in heaven...everything was perfect in heaven...everybody had anything they wanted,nothing bad ever happened, and everything was perfect...well...almost everything, if everything was perfect, things would be boring and thus, imperfect...you'll see what I mean later on, just keep reading, it gets better...*cough* anti-christ *cough* Zia seducing Satan *cough* JUST GUESS ALREADY!

Well, anyway, they got to Boris' restaurant which was just as any other restaurant, only it flies...on a cloud...and that's where Zia and Death found Nick and his pigeon girlfriend and their cat friend, Duncan, came with them.


(YEAH, THAT PART AINT FINISHED YET...I KNOW...Zia is suposed to get weird notes about life being cruel and about how the afterlife shouldn;t be any different (Davy Jones said that in POTC 2 x3 lol)

Part 4

"So, what are we gonna do about this?" Duncan asked. "Well, I think we should tell god...maybe he knows something about it...I mean, he IS God...right?" Mirta said. "Well...yeah...maybe Satan knows something too..." Duncan said. "Maybe...or maybe we need to wait for more notes to get sent from whoever is sending them..." Zia said. "But the message is already compleate..." Death said. "I dunno, maybe, but maybe there WILL be more notes..." Nick said. "Maybe..." Mirta said. "I guess we just have to wait, then..." Death said. "Yeah, I guess..." Zia said.

After they were all done with dinner, everyone went home.

"So, when do you want me to seduce Satan?" Zia asked. She was just about to turn the lights on when she felt Death's hand stop her. "Get a little practice first..." He smirked. She smirked back. "You perverted little basterd..." She said. "Oh, come on, don't tell me you don't feel the same way, I mean, how can I NOT turn you on, I'm the sexiest guy in the afterlife..." Death said and looked her in the eye as if he was about to kiss her. "I'm sexier..." Zia said. "Oh, yeah? Prove it..." Death whispered in her ear with a smirk.

"I already did..." Zia smirked and pointed to Death's waist. "Oh, come on, that;s not fair, I know you're even hornier than me, you just cant see it because you're a girl!" Death said and put his arms around her waist. "Oh, shut up take your clothes off." Zia said. "Your wish is my command." Death smirked.

"Death, are you drunk?" Zia asked as she laid down on the bed and pulled Death down with her. "No, I'm not drunk...I'm high, you are my drug..." Death said and took off his coat. "And I'f I'm your drug, does that mean you're MY drug?" Zia asked and took off her shirt underneath which she had a dark blue bra. "I-I guess so, what ... what about...who?" Death couldn't talk normally anymore. "I repeat - just shut up and take your clothes off..." Zia said. "Aha..." Death said and licked his lips.

He kissed her lips, then her cheek and her neck as he ran his hand down her hips and she ran her hands through his shaggy black hair.

"Just take your pants off already..." Zia said. Then the phone rang. The bloody phone rang...Death closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "It's okay, I'll just shoot the basterd on the other side of the line.." He said and answeared it. "Hello?" He said. "Boss! I'ts the war in Iraque! We can't keep devinding souls from their boddies this quickly! We need more people here to help us!"

"Oh, god damn those living people! Can't they just live in peace for once! As if AIDS and cancer and earthquakes and huricanes aren't enough, now they have to kill each other too! God damn it! Just get the others who are on holiday to come down and help you, and I'll be there in a few hours, okay?" Death said. "Got it, boss.."

Death hung up. "I need more employees..." Death muttered. "And I need less hormones..." Zia said. "You know, it just occurred to me, nothing ever interupted us before..." Death said. "Well, I guess that must be because the afterlife isnt so perfect anymore..." Zia said. "Well, lets get this over with before i get erectile disfunction or some shit like that..." Death said.

"Death, you can't get erectile disfunction with me..." Zia smiled seductively. Death smirked back and kissed her...and the phone rang...again..."God damn it! I need to get laid! My job is depressing enough without the damn phone killing the mood!" Death yelled. "Deathy! Mommy was cheating on dad!" Jesus said. His voice was that of a six year old girl. "Jesus? Oh, God damn it..." Death muttered. "I need you guys! Nick and Mirta are doing it, Duncan and Boris are drunk, mommy and daddy are fighting...and I have nobody to talk to about this!" Jesus said. "Well, I'm doing it too..." Death said. "But...I need you!" Jesus said. "Why didn't you say that to Nick and Mirta?" Death asked.

"Nick said he needed to do it because he needed the stimulation to get to the bottom of why the afterlife isn't perfect anymore!" Jesus said. Death sighed." Alright, alright, fine, we'll be there..." Death said. "Thanks guys!" Jesus said and hung up.

"Jesus needs us to..." Death began. "I know, I heard it all..." Zia said. "Why can't he call Satan?" "Hey, good idea, I'll call him back and tell him that..." Death said.

He called Jesus. "Deathy?" He asked. "Yeah, Jesus, can't you call Satan?" Death asked. "But...he's running against daddy in the campaign..." Jesus said. "So am I and you called me..." Death said. "Oh, right, good point!" Jesus said. "Bye, thanks!" Jesus said and hung up.

"Finally..." Death said and took of Zia's bra, and she took off his shirt.

She kissed his cheek, then his lips then he kissed her shoulder...then...guess what, it's gonna be good!

Another phone call...yes, thats right, another bloody phone call...

"Hello?" Zia asked. "Is Deathy there?" A voice asked. "Yeah, here he is..." Zia said and handed the phone to Death. "Hello? Hi mom...yes, that was Zia...no, we didn't break up...what makes you think we'll break up? No!...yes..no...i will..i wont..i promise..yes..no..your coming here this weekend? Nice...cant she talk to me tomorrow!...fine...Immortality? Hi...yeah, i miss you too..yeah...freaky notes? Yeah, don't worry about that, we;ll talk about that when you get to heaven...so, hows hell? Nice...okay, i love you to...bye!" Death said.

"My mom, Life, and my little sister, Immortality...they'll be coming to visit this weekend...and you were right about the notes...there's more, my sister got one too..." Death said. "Now, take my pants off..." He smirked.

Aaaaand, just as his pants came off (leaving him in blue silk boxers)...another phone call. "What is it?" Zia asked. "You wont feel a thing, not until the afterlife is fixed, and, if I succeed, It will never be fixed! MWHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!" The voice said. "Fuck you, I'll prove you wrong whoever you are!" Zia said and hung up. "Who was it?" Death asked. "I dunno, I bet its the guy who sent us the notes! He said we wont feel anything until the afterlife is fixed...he also said he would never let us fix it..." Zia said. "So he thinks you wont be able to feel me? Bullshit, it imposible not to feel me, I'm way to sexy..." Death said and kissed Zia.

"Mmmmh...good point...very...very...veryyy gooooood mmmm point.." Zia said and licked her lips as Death kissed her neck, and kept going lower and lower. She gently pulled off Deathy's boxers as he did the same to her panties.

And so, it begins...

"Can't feel it? Bullshiiiiiit mmmmhahahahahahehehehehhe...yummy.." Zia muttered. "You know, your job is tearing souls from bodies...well, you're veeeeeryyyy talented, you're tearing me apart..." Zia said. "Just the way i do it with souls - slowly and delicately..." Death smirked and kissed her as if t would be their last kiss for all eternity ..."OOOooh...yeeeaaaah...this is...Hiroshima and Nagasaki put together...atomic bombs....no...NOT ATOMIC BOMBS! THERE'S A GOD DAMN SUPERNOVA IN ME!" Zia said. "I KNOW RIGHT! I'M SO SEXY THAT PEOPLE KILL THEMSELVES JUST TO SEE ME! Why do you think all those suicides occur?" Death smirked. "I can't blame them..." Zia said and kissed Deathy again.

Now, use your perverted imagination to fill in the rest...


Sorry about all the phone calls...It's just...I'm a sadist and I like to see you people read this and explode with frustration because the phone rang...tehehehehe....

RESERVED!!!

RESERVED!!!

RESERVED!!!

RESERVED!!!

RESERVED!!!

RESERVED!!!

RESERVED!!!

RESERVED!!!

RESERVED!!!

RESERVED!!!

RESERVED!!!

RESERVED!!!

RESERVED!!!

RESERVED!!!

RESERVED!!!

RESERVED!!!