Death and his girlfriend

"So, you think my dad is gonna end up being the president?" Jesus asked. "Well, of course! He's been president of the after life realm since he created the world!" Zia said. "Well...he DID create the world, you know...no wonder he's been elected president over and over again..." Jesus said. "Yeah...so, how's he holding up after your mom divorced him?" Zia asked. "Oh, he's fine, compared to living people...but he's upset...you know...anyway, they got into a fight over the whole 'Virgin Birth' crap they sold to the living people...first my mom said it was a bullshit lie because we knew both my parents and neither of them could be virgins AND parents, if you know what I mean...then my dad said it was just a joke, then he said mom was right about it being bullshit lie, but then mom said it was just for fun...and so on...that's not WHY they got divorced, but it was the final nail in their mirage's coffin..." Jesus said.

"Well...about the whole president thing...I thought I should let you know that Satan has a pretty convincing campaign video..." Zia said. "Well, anything he can do, we can do better..." Jesus said. "I mean, I can turn milk into wine, and I could feed the whole after life with two fish, so yeah..." Jesus said. "By the way, who are you voting for?" He asked. "Death..." Zia said. "Wait a second...he's running for president?" Jesus asked. "Yep...and he's my boyfriend, so of course I'm gonna vote for him." Zia said. "He's crazy..." Jesus said. "I know...but I still love him, and if he's gonna do this, then I'm gonna support him." Zia said with a smile. "Oh, right, because you love him..." Jesus said. "What?" Zia asked. "Well, if he becomes president, then you'll be the first lady..." Jesus said. "Is that why your mom divorced your dad?" Zia asked. "Besides, we're not even married, I'm just his girlfriend."Aha...right...anyway, my mom got fed up with God being president,nd she's been the first lady for...what year is it again?" Jesus asked. "Two-thousand and twelve..." Zia said. "Right, for that many years...and the weird part s that she got fed up with it even though, compared to my dad, two thousand years is a second..." Jesus said.

"Right..." Zia said.

Then, her phone rang, and the name 'Death' appeared on the screen. "Hang on, Jesus, it's Death." Zia said. "Hey Deathy?" She answered her phone. "Hi, Zia, I just called to say I have to kill you..." Death said. "Oh, shut up, Deathy." Zia laughed. "Well, you have been warned...tonight at eight, your life will belong to me." Deathy said. "My life already belongs to you..." Zia said. "I know...I know." Deathy said. "So, where are we going this time?" Zia asked. "Boris' restaurant...i know how much you love that place." Death said. "Right, see you, Deathy!" Zia said. "See you, by...I love you." Deathy said. "Love you to, bye." Zia said. "Sorry, Jesus, I got a date with Death, and I gotta go, I got a lot of shit to do today..." Zia said. "Got it by the way, can you give me a little detail on Satan's campaign video?" Jesus asked. "Sorry, I promised Death I wouldn't tell." Zia said. "Right...got it." Jesus said.

PART 2

Zia went home to her apartment on the two-thousand and twelfth floor. Her apartment was very colorful. The walls had various paintings that she and Death had done while they were high on oxygen. It had one wall that was just a glass window with a view that saw the whole afterlife realm. It was really a beautiful view.
She smiled at a note she found on the table. “Dear, Zia, Death is coming…both figuratively and literally.” The note said on light pink paper.
Pink – Death’s favorite color. Ironic, is it not? Black is the color of death, pink is the color of little girls….but pink is Death’s favorite color…ha, beat that by weirdness.
Zia rolled her eyes with a smile and put the note I her drawer with all the other romantic-yet-perverted notes that Death gave her. She turned on her lap top, sat on the bed and began editing Deathy’s campaign video. It was similar to Satan’s, only, as Death would say, better.
“God, he's been the president for millenniums, but it's time for change...true, you could vote for Satan, but we have several reasons why voting for Death would be ten times better.” The voice on the video said. “And...we're fucked...” Zia said.
She suddenly felt an eerie chill crawl up her spine. She glanced at the table, and saw another note. “Didn't I put Deathy's note in the drawer?” Zia mumbled. She paused the video and walked over to the table. This note was different. It was white with letters written in black marker. “Things are about to change.” It said. “What is that supposed to mean?” Zia asked.
This note didn't seem like something Death would write. Zia didn't think much about it, but she still tucked the note in her pocket and planned to ask Death about it later. She continued editing his campaign video.
Later that night, Deathy picked her up in a limo, where he got the money for that, well, in the afterlife, everyone has so much money that they could literally buy the universe with it, not to mention that most of the things there were free.
“Hi, Death, are you here to take my should to the after-life?” Zia smiled as she got in the limo. “We're already in the after-life...” Death smirked and kissed her. “By the way, Deathy...” Zia began as the chauffeur began to drive. “What does this note mean?” She asked as she took the note out of her pocket and showed it do Death. “I- I don't know, it's not my note...” Death said. “What? If it's not your note, then whose note is it?” Zia asked. “I don't know...maybe Satan is trying to scare you into voting for him...it wouldn't surprise me.” Death said.”I don't know...it just feels...different...different from anything in the after life...” Zia said. “Huh, well, we can ask Boris what he thinks about it, and we can always as Satan or God if either of them sent it to scared you...” Death said.
“In other news...” Death began. “Our one-thousand and five hundredth anniversary is next week, and I know as sure as Jesus' last name is Christ that you forgot about it...” Death said. “Well, yeah, I tend to forget about crap that doesn't sound interesting enough to qualify a place in my mind.” Zia said. “Sorry...” She said. “Hey, it's okay, that's why I'm there to remind you...” Death smiled. Zia smiled back and kissed him.
“So, I was talking to Cupid the other day, and he said any normal girl would murder me before staying in a relationship for one thousand and five hundred years unless I popped the question...” Death said. “Ah, true, that sounds romantic, but I'm not normal and you're not romantic, so...yeah...” Zia said. “True, about the campaign...” Death said. “Yes...?” Zia asked.
“You're not gonna like this...” Death said. “God damn it, just say it...” Zia said. “I need you to seduce Satan into leaving the campaign!” Death said. “Well, that proves you're insane...” Zia said. “Then again, I'm not much saner than you, so...yeah...” Zia said. “You'll do it?!” Death asked. “Hey, I'd do anything for you, it's cheesy, but true...though, do you really think I could seduce Satan?” Zia asked. “Anyone can seduce Satan, he lives by the first of the seven deadly sins – lust...not to mention the fact that you could seduce anyone...” Death said. “True...” Zia smirked. “I bet you could even seduce Nick...” Death said. “Nick? Oh, come on, that's overdoing it...nobody, dead or alive, can ever seduce Nick...except for that pigeon girl...” Zia said. “True, that was overdoing it...” Death said.
“Speaking of Nick and his pigeon girlfriend...I think today is their anniversary...I think...” Death said. “Really? Cool...” Zia said. “And I think they'll be at Boris' restaurant today to...” Death said. “Nice, hey, do you remember the day you killed Nick's girlfriend? I remember you mentioned it was special...” Zia said. “Oh, yeah, it was...you see, Nick was there, and...well...it's actually embarrassing...but...he saw me too...hey, didn't I tell you this before?” Death asked. “Yep, tell me again,it's the only time since the creation of life where you screwed up...and I have to know what to hide from the media during the campaign...” Zia said. “But...you already know it...” Death said. “Yeah...but I like this story!” Zia said.
“Alright! Alright! Anyway...as I said, Nick was there, and he saw me...well...he didn't actually see me...but he saw the pigeon's should being divided from it's body. Anyway, the reason he saw that was because I got drunk the day before...you remember, right? You know, the time Cupid, Satan, Jesus, You and I got together to celebrate God's birthday?” Death said. “I remember, Mary couldn't come because she had to help her friend from hell move to heaven...” Zia said. “Yeah...and I was talking about how Hiroshima and Nagasaki was a pain in the ass...because it was, really...I mean...the killed thousands of people in one second, literally....one fucking second....” Death said. “And it was ___day...of all days, my day off....why, god...why did you create something that kills on holidays...do you ave any idea how delicate you have to be when dividing souls from their bodies? More delicate that brain surgery, god, damn it!” Death said. “I know, I remember you mentioned that you didn't have enough employees back at 'Death Incorporated' when you woke up at 4 am...and you couldn't find your pants...” Zia giggled. “Oh, I forgot that detail...he he...” Death said.
“Well, anyway, you said there was another reason why taking Nick's girlfriends should was special because that's not the only time you were seen...or, the should was seen...though you never said why?” Zia said. “Oh, that's because I have no idea why...it just feels...different...meh, who cares...” Death said. “Well, we should start burning evidence of me or my employees being seen dividing souls before God or Satan screw me up...” Death said “Well, yeah, but...technically speaking, only God could screw you up...you know, since I'm gonna seduce Satan and all...” Zia said.
“Right...” Death winced. “Hey, Dun, when the heck are we gonna get to Boris' place already?” He asked.
“Never! We'll be in here to infinity! Or at least for two more minutes!” Duncan, the chauffeur said. He was a black and white cat, and if he was alive, he would not be physically capable to drive, but this was the after life, in heaven...everything was perfect in heaven...everybody had anything they wanted,nothing bad ever happened, and everything was perfect...well...almost everything, if everything was perfect, things would be boring and thus, imperfect...you'll see what I mean later on, just keep reading, it gets better...*cough* antichrist *cough* Zia seducing Satan *cough* JUST GUESS ALREADY!
Well, anyway, they got to Boris' restaurant which was just as any other restaurant, only it flies...on a cloud...and that's where Zia and Death found Nick and his pigeon girlfriend and their cat friend, Duncan, came with them.

(YEAH, THAT PART AINT FINISHED YET...I KNOW...Zia is suposed to get weird notes about life being cruel and about how the afterlife shouldn;t be any different (Davy Jones said that in POTC 2 x3 lol)


Just an idea...what do ya think?

Maggy Potter wrote:

Me likey alot!The idea is fenomenal!I cracked up on 'Campain video' part x3

Hah, lol...

Satan's campain video:

"God. He's ben the president fror milenia, but it's time for a change! True, Satan may seem like the devil to the living, but it's time he had a chance to proove he can do as good a job as God, if not better, give God a break, Vote For Satan..."

Lol, it's longer, but im too lazy to put the whole thing up...x3

Maggy Potter wrote:

I think I just cracked up again.
x3

Lol...its gets funnier if you watch the Daily Show or the Colbert Report on comedy central...

Mit Rommney Vs. Obama Vs. Bush

God Vs. Satan. Vs. Deathy!<3 *hugs Death*

THIS IS BRILLIANT!

Invisible Ink wrote:THIS IS BRILLIANT!

LOL, thanks.

Dath, nickname Deathy <3<3<3<3

I don't believe I'm in love with DEATH...well...at least I ain't afraid of dying anymore...x3

Oay, can this be move to long/medium lenght stories...I have decide to continue this...

PART 2

Zia went home to her apartment on the two-thousand and twelfth floor. Her apartment was very colorful. The walls had various paintings that she and Death had done while they were high on oxygen. It had one wall that was just a glass window with a view that saw the whole afterlife realm. It was really a beautiful view.
She smiled at a note she found on the table. “Dear, Zia, Death is coming…both figuratively and literally.” The note said on light pink paper.
Pink – Death’s favorite color. Ironic, is it not? Black is the color of death, pink is the color of little girls….but pink is Death’s favorite color…ha, beat that by weirdness.
Zia rolled her eyes with a smile and put the note I her drawer with all the other romantic-yet-perverted notes that Death gave her. She turned on her lap top, sat on the bed and began editing Deathy’s campaign video. It was similar to Satan’s, only, as Death would say, better.
“God, he's been the president for millenniums, but it's time for change...true, you could vote for Satan, but we have several reasons why voting for Death would be ten times better.” The voice on the video said. “And...we're fucked...” Zia said.
She suddenly felt an eerie chill crawl up her spine. She glanced at the table, and saw another note. “Didn't I put Deathy's note in the drawer?” Zia mumbled. She paused the video and walked over to the table. This note was different. It was white with letters written in black marker. “Things are about to change.” It said. “What is that supposed to mean?” Zia asked.
This note didn't seem like something Death would write. Zia didn't think much about it, but she still tucked the note in her pocket and planned to ask Death about it later. She continued editing his campaign video.
Later that night, Deathy picked her up in a limo, where he got the money for that, well, in the afterlife, everyone has so much money that they could literally buy the universe with it, not to mention that most of the things there were free.
“Hi, Death, are you here to take my should to the after-life?” Zia smiled as she got in the limo. “We're already in the after-life...” Death smirked and kissed her. “By the way, Deathy...” Zia began as the chauffeur began to drive. “What does this note mean?” She asked as she took the note out of her pocket and showed it do Death. “I- I don't know, it's not my note...” Death said. “What? If it's not your note, then whose note is it?” Zia asked. “I don't know...maybe Satan is trying to scare you into voting for him...it wouldn't surprise me.” Death said.”I don't know...it just feels...different...different from anything in the after life...” Zia said. “Huh, well, we can ask Boris what he thinks about it, and we can always as Satan or God if either of them sent it to scared you...” Death said.
“In other news...” Death began. “Our one-thousand and five hundredth anniversary is next week, and I know as sure as Jesus' last name is Christ that you forgot about it...” Death said. “Well, yeah, I tend to forget about crap that doesn't sound interesting enough to qualify a place in my mind.” Zia said. “Sorry...” She said. “Hey, it's okay, that's why I'm there to remind you...” Death smiled. Zia smiled back and kissed him.
“So, I was talking to Cupid the other day, and he said any normal girl would murder me before staying in a relationship for one thousand and five hundred years unless I popped the question...” Death said. “Ah, true, that sounds romantic, but I'm not normal and you're not romantic, so...yeah...” Zia said. “True, about the campaign...” Death said. “Yes...?” Zia asked.
“You're not gonna like this...” Death said. “God damn it, just say it...” Zia said. “I need you to seduce Satan into leaving the campaign!” Death said. “Well, that proves you're insane...” Zia said. “Then again, I'm not much saner than you, so...yeah...” Zia said. “You'll do it?!” Death asked. “Hey, I'd do anything for you, it's cheesy, but true...though, do you really think I could seduce Satan?” Zia asked. “Anyone can seduce Satan, he lives by the first of the seven deadly sins – lust...not to mention the fact that you could seduce anyone...” Death said. “True...” Zia smirked. “I bet you could even seduce Nick...” Death said. “Nick? Oh, come on, that's overdoing it...nobody, dead or alive, can ever seduce Nick...except for that pigeon girl...” Zia said. “True, that was overdoing it...” Death said.
“Speaking of Nick and his pigeon girlfriend...I think today is their anniversary...I think...” Death said. “Really? Cool...” Zia said. “And I think they'll be at Boris' restaurant today to...” Death said. “Nice, hey, do you remember the day you killed Nick's girlfriend? I remember you mentioned it was special...” Zia said. “Oh, yeah, it was...you see, Nick was there, and...well...it's actually embarrassing...but...he saw me too...hey, didn't I tell you this before?” Death asked. “Yep, tell me again,it's the only time since the creation of life where you screwed up...and I have to know what to hide from the media during the campaign...” Zia said. “But...you already know it...” Death said. “Yeah...but I like this story!” Zia said.
“Alright! Alright! Anyway...as I said, Nick was there, and he saw me...well...he didn't actually see me...but he saw the pigeon's should being divided from it's body. Anyway, the reason he saw that was because I got drunk the day before...you remember, right? You know, the time Cupid, Satan, Jesus, You and I got together to celebrate God's birthday?” Death said. “I remember, Mary couldn't come because she had to help her friend from hell move to heaven...” Zia said. “Yeah...and I was talking about how Hiroshima and Nagasaki was a pain in the ass...because it was, really...I mean...the killed thousands of people in one second, literally....one fucking second....” Death said. “And it was ___day...of all days, my day off....why, god...why did you create something that kills on holidays...do you ave any idea how delicate you have to be when dividing souls from their bodies? More delicate that brain surgery, god, damn it!” Death said. “I know, I remember you mentioned that you didn't have enough employees back at 'Death Incorporated' when you woke up at 4 am...and you couldn't find your pants...” Zia giggled. “Oh, I forgot that detail...he he...” Death said.
“Well, anyway, you said there was another reason why taking Nick's girlfriends should was special because that's not the only time you were seen...or, the should was seen...though you never said why?” Zia said. “Oh, that's because I have no idea why...it just feels...different...meh, who cares...” Death said. “Well, we should start burning evidence of me or my employees being seen dividing souls before God or Satan screw me up...” Death said “Well, yeah, but...technically speaking, only God could screw you up...you know, since I'm gonna seduce Satan and all...” Zia said.
“Right...” Death winced. “Hey, Dun, when the heck are we gonna get to Boris' place already?” He asked.
“Never! We'll be in here to infinity! Or at least for two more minutes!” Duncan, the chauffeur said. He was a black and white cat, and if he was alive, he would not be physically capable to drive, but this was the after life, in heaven...everything was perfect in heaven...everybody had anything they wanted,nothing bad ever happened, and everything was perfect...well...almost everything, if everything was perfect, things would be boring and thus, imperfect...you'll see what I mean later on, just keep reading, it gets better...*cough* antichrist *cough* Zia seducing Satan *cough* JUST GUESS ALREADY!
Well, anyway, they got to Boris' restaurant which was just as any other restaurant, only it flies...on a cloud...and that's where Zia and Death found Nick and his pigeon girlfriend and their cat friend, Duncan, came with them.

(YEAH, THAT PART AINT FINISHED YET...I KNOW...Zia is suposed to get weird notes about life being cruel and about how the afterlife shouldn;t be any different (Davy Jones said that in POTC 2 x3 lol)

wait...pigeon girlfriend?
is that supposed to be a Tesla-was-in-love-with-a-pigeon joke??


/regeneriraseodmsmjeha

Invisible Ink wrote:wait...pigeon girlfriend?
is that supposed to be a Tesla-was-in-love-with-a-pigeon joke??


/regeneriraseodmsmjeha

No joke, he really WAS in love with a pigeon...dun worry, I know you love him, so his piogeon girlfriend is the pigeon version of you...or you daughter...just tell me what you want me to do, and i shall make your wish come tru x3

I'm making weird fan-girl noises.
my dad thinks I can't breathe xDD

ohmybenedict. I love you okay?

Invisible Ink wrote:I'm making weird fan-girl noises.
my dad thinks I can't breathe xDD

ohmybenedict. I love you okay?

Lol, i love you too...in a non-lesbian friendly way x3

Chu ar lajk maj sister...

So, what color would you be if you were a pigeon? x3 lolz

like a normal pigeon...I don't know...
interesting question...

Invisible Ink wrote:like a normal pigeon...I don't know...
interesting question...

Lol...I would be a brown pigeon...cuz mah hair ish brown... x3

Lolz...

I've only ever seen gray/black/brown and white pigeons...

Hmmmm Imaine a yellow pigeon?


Lol...x3

hmmm okay that would look cute. c:

NEW THREAD!!!

https://pen-n-paper.forumcroatian.com/t44-death-and-his-girlfriend-new-thread#763